


Almost Lost

by LostInFantasyWorlds



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Almost Kiss, Angst, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Emotional, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29069379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInFantasyWorlds/pseuds/LostInFantasyWorlds
Summary: An additional scene for episode #107 Inuyasha Shows His Tears for the First Time. Inuyasha and Kagome share an emotional talk after he almost loses her forever. Takes place right after the scene with Koga. Canon compliant.
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha
Comments: 24
Kudos: 77





	Almost Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Episode 107 makes me feel a lot of things. Watching Inuyasha's reaction to almost losing Kagome was heartbreaking and beautiful. His scream of rage when he uses Tetsusaiga to put out the fire in the temple....chills every time.
> 
> During the whole time that Kagome and the others were poisoned, Inuyasha doesn't sleep, fights multiple battles and sustains major wounds, and also thinks he lost the love of his life. I can only imagine that he would have been insanely worked up and on edge after all that, so I wanted to explore that in this fic. I think that he would have wanted to have a private conversation with Kagome after everything that happened, especially since he blamed himself so much.
> 
> This starts with the end of the scene where Koga calls him out for not protecting Kagome. Quotes are based on the English dub.

“I won’t do it. I won’t...ever let anything like that happen to Kagome again.”

Koga was stunned into silence. Although Inuyasha was still shaking with rage and had his fist raised towards him, he had momentarily dropped his aggressive tone in favor of a quiet and sincere one. Koga had expected some kind of insult or attack in response to his accusations, but it was clear that whatever had happened to Kagome had shaken the half-demon. 

“So you can just get lost!” Inuyasha snarled, abruptly returning to his usual prickly demeanor. 

Koga was still reeling from Inuyasha’s brief show of sincerity. Not sure what to make of it, he responded with a simple “hmph!”

“Whatever mutt, as long as Kagome is alright.” 

Quickly sidestepping around Inuyasha, Koga once again reached out and took Kagome’s hands in his own. Inuyasha growled behind him. 

“You’re sure you’re alright now, my dearest Kagome?”

She looked uncomfortable as ever, but responded with an overly cheerful, “Yup, I’m a-okay and will be back up and running in no time! Thanks for checking on me Koga!”

Inuyasha reached around Koga, curling his claws directly in front of his face, but before he could take any further action, Koga dropped Kagome’s hands, turned around, and sped off. 

Inuyasha growled in annoyance, muttering under his breath about how much of an asshole Koga is. His mind was spinning so much that he could feel a headache coming on. He had never felt as many strong emotions all at once as he had in the last couple hours. First was the all-consuming grief, terror, and disbelief when he found Kagome’s lifeless body. White-hot rage had gripped him next, directed both at the Band of Seven and at himself for his failures. His fury had consumed him and blinded him to all else, eventually reaching the point where he started seeing and hearing things that weren’t there. 

Then, finally, as he had held Kagome and heard her voice miraculously cut through his cloud of grief, he had felt a rushing torrent of relief. He had never been moved to the point of tears before, having been a firm believer in the philosophy that men never show their tears no matter what. But he hadn’t been able to stop them from coming when Kagome looked up at him with her tired brown eyes and _apologized_ for _worrying him_ . The girl had literally just come back from the dead, and was still somehow more worried about _him_. It had pushed him over the edge, finally shedding tears for another for the first time since his mother died when he was a boy.

It was a lot to go through, and combined with the fact that he hadn’t slept at all and was trying to heal the many wounds he had sustained in battle, he was completely fried. He felt overly emotional and on edge, like an exposed nerve ending, raw and sensitive to everything around him. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He knew he needed to rest, but he didn’t think he’d be able to relax enough to allow himself to sleep right now. 

Kagome watched Inuyasha’s face as Koga’s whirlwind disappeared in the distance, noting that something was off about him. She had been touched by his reaction to Koga’s taunts, but now she had a nagging suspicion that he was not okay. He appeared to be lost in his own thoughts, something that didn’t happen all that often. He stared off into the distance, seemingly forgetting she was even there.

“Inuyasha?” Kagome finally asked tentatively. 

He started at the sound of her voice and met her questioning gaze, his heart clenching painfully in his chest. It was almost too much to bear right now, to look at the woman he came so very close to losing forever. Someone he now fully realized was more precious to him than anything in the world. Not that he hadn’t known that on some level before, but living without her, even for such a short time, had been completely unbearable. He shuddered to think of what he would have done if she hadn’t been brought back. 

“Come with me,” he said abruptly. He needed to talk to her alone. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, things that he didn’t want their friends overhearing. He called a quick “we’ll be right back” to the rest of the group and grabbed Kagome’s elbow, gently leading her to walk alongside him. She looked surprised and confused but still followed him willingly. 

“I can carry you if you’re too tired to walk,” he said as they walked along the river bank. 

“No, it’s okay, I need to gather up my strength again.” 

He nodded slightly, and let go of her arm so she could walk next to him on her own. He led her down the river bank a little ways until they were out of sight of their friends. As soon as he couldn’t see them anymore, he stopped and turned to face her. 

He took in her appearance and studied every part of her. Pangs of guilt shot through him, but he forced himself to keep looking until he had cataloged everything. She looked beyond exhausted, her eyes dark and drooping and missing their usual warm sparkle. Her skin was paler than normal, and covered in a slight sheen of sweat. Her breathing was still a bit shallow, and he could hear her heart beating much faster than normal.

Kagome let him stare at her for a few moments before she finally had to ask, “Inuyasha? What’s going on?”

“Kagome, I —“ Inuyasha started, but the words caught in his throat. 

There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much he realized he hadn’t said when he thought he would never again have the chance. Part of him desperately wanted to tell her how much he loved her, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. He reminded himself of the situation they were still in. There was still the Band of Seven to deal with, not to mention Kikyo, Naraku, and the Shikon Jewel. So many obstacles still stood in the way of him being able to fully give himself to her, despite how badly he wanted to. The most important thing at the moment was keeping her safe, and he had failed. 

He balled his hands into fists at his sides, and let out a shaky sigh before continuing. Kagome watched him with concerned eyes, patiently waiting for him to gather his thoughts. 

“I-I’m sorry I failed to protect you. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have fallen for Renkotsu’s tricks. I shouldn’t have taken so long to beat Ginkotsu. I never should have left you alone. If I hadn’t —“ 

He couldn’t bear to go on any longer. His hands were starting to shake and he didn’t know if he could keep his voice steady. He still felt the pain and self-loathing cutting into him like knives. It hurt much more than the actual blades that had slashed his skin several hours earlier. 

He dropped his eyes to the ground and hung his head in shame. “Forgive me, Kagome.”

Kagome stared at him in alarm. She had never seen him so shaken up and guilt-ridden. She could see his hands trembling and hear the slight shake in his voice, despite him trying to hide it. Her heart ached, thinking of what he must have gone through over the last few hours.

She reached out her hand and gently touched the side of his face, guiding it back up so that he was looking her in the eyes again. He was somewhat startled by her touch, and felt his skin heat underneath it as he looked at her with slightly wide eyes. 

“There’s nothing to forgive, Inuyasha,” she smiled warmly at him. “I’m sure you did everything you could for us. You had to fight off three members of the Band of Seven all on your own. And you aren’t the only one that Renkotsu tricked. The enemy is bound to get the upper hand every once in a while. Please don’t beat yourself up. Everything is okay now, we’re all going to be fine.”

She stroked his cheek slightly with her thumb, and he shut his eyes tightly at the touch. He didn’t deserve her unending devotion and kindness. It was too much. All of this was too much. 

Opening his eyes, he reached up and took her hand from his face and clasped it, along with her other hand, between his own. The feel of her cold hands sent another pang of guilt and shame through him. 

“Koga was right, your hands are like ice. Your cheeks are pale. You look exhausted. I can’t stand seeing you like this. I can’t stand knowing how close I came to losing you.” His voice was quiet and broken as he stared down at their hands, absentmindedly rubbing her knuckles with his thumbs. Kagome could feel the slight shake of his hands around her own. 

She removed her hands from his grasp and took a step closer to him before wrapping her arms around his torso. He responded, after a moment of surprise, by wrapping one arm around the small of her back and holding her head against his chest with his other hand. He rested his chin on top of her head, inhaling her scent and thanking any and all gods that may or may not exist that she was alive.

With her head against his chest, Kagome could hear the frantic thundering of his heartbeat and the shallowness of his breath. She didn’t think he had even noticed how worked up he was, since he was so focused on her.

“Inuyasha...it’s alright. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. I’m alive and so are Sango and Miroku. It’s all okay. It’s going to be okay,” she murmured a steady stream of assurances against his chest, squeezing him a little tighter.

He returned the pressure, his strong arms crushing her to him as tightly as he dared in her condition. Maybe he’d be able to relax if he could just stay here forever, Kagome wrapped safely in his embrace. Then he could protect her from anyone and anything else that ever dared to try and harm her. He moved the arm that was cradling her head down to her shoulders, wrapping tightly around them and burying his face in her hair.

They both relaxed into each other, not letting their usual awkwardness or embarrassment get in the way. They had been through too much in the last twenty four hours to care. Kagome relished in the closeness. It wasn’t often that he let his guard down and held her like this, so she would savor the moment while it lasted. She tried to calm his agitated state by gently rubbing her hands up and down his back. When his trembling still hadn’t ceased after a minute, she got another idea.

“Take a few deep breaths with me,” Kagome said into his chest. 

Inuyasha immediately tensed. Was _she_ really trying to soothe _him_ right now?

“Keh, what good will that do? I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, you’re the one who just came back from the dead.”

“Just do it Inuyasha!” she reprimanded, a hint of her usual fierceness returning.

He growled, but gave in pretty quickly. He knew he wouldn’t be able to deny her anything right now. “Fine, whatever.” 

She rolled her eyes, knowing he couldn’t see her with her head still against his chest. 

“Alright, you’re going to breathe in for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of seven, and then exhale for a count of eight. I’ll count for you the first couple times, and then I’ll join you.”

She guided him through several deep breaths, slowly feeling the tension release from her own body and hoping it would help him calm down a bit too.

Inuyasha felt a little stupid and childish, but as they concluded the exercise, he noticed he actually did feel much better. Kagome pulled back to look at him, keeping her arms around his middle.

“Better?”

He nodded. “What was that?”

“It’s something my mom used to do with me when I was little. After my dad died, I would get panic attacks sometimes. She would hold me and breathe with me until I felt better.”

“I see.” Sometimes he forgot that she had suffered through the loss of a parent too, just like him. “Well...thanks. How do _you_ feel?”

“I’m feeling better by the minute,” she said, one of her signature smiles lighting up her face.

Inuyasha’s heart skipped a beat. He had thought he would never see that smile again. He couldn’t help but smile back, feeling much more at ease than before. Her smile had always been like a beacon of light in the darkness, bringing him a sense of relief and happiness whenever she graced him with it.

As if the weather was responding to the change in his mood, a ray of sunlight burst through the clouds at the same time that a gentle breeze surrounded them. Several pieces of Kagome’s long ebony hair flew wildly around her in the wind. Inuyasha brought a hand up to tuck the loose strands behind her ear, grazing her cheek with his thumb as he did so. His fingers slid easily back into her locks, his hand coming to rest on the side of her neck.

“I’m really glad you’re alive, Kagome. I don’t know what I would have done without you,” he said softly, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb against the corner of her jaw.

Kagome inhaled sharply, stunned by his sudden tenderness. She was glad that his other arm still held her tightly around her waist, because she felt like her knees might give out. She looked up at him with slightly wide eyes, probing his amber depths for any clues as to where he was going with this.

“Inuyasha…” she breathed, feeling like she was in some kind of dream. Maybe she had died after all?

He couldn’t look away from her. He knew they had been gone from the group for too long. And that he was crossing into dangerous territory. But he couldn’t stop drinking her in, memorizing every caramelized strand of her brown irises highlighted by the morning sun. A faint blush had colored her pale cheeks, and the sight sent such a thrill through him that he may as well have just taken a shot of the world’s strongest sake. Before he could stop himself, his eyes flickered down to her lips, and he knew he was in trouble. 

He wanted nothing more in that moment than to kiss her until all the color and life returned to her beautiful face. It was too enticing. She was right there, in his arms, looking at him with...was it hope? Her lips parted slightly, and before he could reason with himself he was leaning in closer. Their noses were almost touching and her eyes had already fluttered closed when —

“Inuyasha! Kagome! Are you okay?”

The sound of Shippo’s high-pitched voice rang through the air, startling the duo out of their compromising position. They leapt apart, both of them blushing furiously. Kagome brought a hand to her chest, clutching the fabric of her school uniform over her heart. Inuyasha’s hands balled into fists and an irritated growl escaped him as the young kitsune’s bright orange hair appeared from out of the bushes.

“There you are! You guys had been gone a long time so we got worried. What are you two doing?”

Kagome’s blush darkened a bit, but she responded with a convincing, “We’re just talking, Shippo.”

“Then why does Inuyasha look like he wants to punch me?”

“Don’t I always look like that? We were having a private conversation you idiot!” Inuyasha yelled.

Shippo looked a little hurt, but matched Inuyasha’s loud and angry tone. “Well excuse us if we were worried! Sango, Miroku, and Kagome almost died a little while ago, and the rest of the Band of Seven are still out there. I wanted to make sure they hadn’t gotten you again.” The volume of his voice trailed off as he spoke, ending meekly as he hung his head and looked at the ground. 

Inuyasha immediately softened, uncurling his fists. The memory of Shippo’s distraught, tearful face illuminated by the flames of the burning temple flashed through his mind. He reminded himself that Shippo was probably still just as upset as he was. When he spoke, his tone was much softer. 

“It’s alright, Shippo. Go tell the others that we’re okay. We’ll be right behind you.”

Shippo snapped his head back up, looking surprised but relieved by Inuyasha’s change in attitude. He nodded slightly before bounding off back in the direction he came.

As the kitsune disappeared around the bend, Inuyasha became acutely aware of the fact that he was alone with Kagome again. An embarrassed flush started to creep back onto his cheeks as he replayed the moments just before Shippo had interrupted. His hand on Kagome’s neck, her parted lips, his eyelids starting to close…

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. What was he thinking? He had almost messed everything up in a moment of weakness. He knew better than to let his own desires get the better of him. Kagome had asked to stay by his side even though he vowed to protect Kikyo. She knew she might get hurt but stayed with him anyways. Inuyasha usually tried his best not to make it any harder for her than it had to be. He didn’t want to make any promises he might not be able to keep. Not until he fulfilled his responsibility to protect Kikyo from Naraku. Until then, he had to avoid complicating things even further. 

“We should probably head back,” Inuyasha mumbled, unable to look her in the eye.

“Mhm,” Kagome agreed quietly. She couldn’t help but be disappointed, knowing that the opportunity had passed and wouldn’t be revisited anytime soon. She wouldn’t bother bringing it up again, as much as she might want to. Instead, she fell into step alongside Inuyasha, a somewhat awkward silence forming between them.

Inuyasha chanced a glance at her as they walked back to their friends. She looked sad, disappointment radiating off her in waves. He could have kicked himself.

 _You idiot_ , he thought to himself. _This is exactly what you’re always trying to avoid_.

He tried to think of something to say to make it better, but came up empty. He had never been good at that kind of thing. The silence felt deafening, crushing in on him from all sides, unraveling the peace they had attained a few minutes ago. He couldn’t stand it. He had to say something to comfort her, to make the situation at least a little better.

He opened his mouth to speak, eyes on the ground in front of him, but instead jumped when he felt Kagome’s hand take his own. He looked at her in surprise to find her looking up at him a little shyly, a light blush on her cheeks.

She silently pleaded with him to just let her have this. She knew she couldn’t push their almost kiss, but she felt herself longing for his touch once it had been abruptly taken away. She needed some kind of comfort from him, and hadn’t been able to stop herself from reaching out to take his hand.

Inuyasha slowed their pace as they stared at each other, but he didn’t stop. After a few moments, he closed his hand around hers and squeezed it. A small smile formed on her face, which he returned before looking back in front of him. He kept a tight grip on her hand the rest of the way back, almost wishing she could hear his thoughts.

_I’ll defeat Naraku so that we can finally be together._

_Thank you for coming back to me._

_I love you._


End file.
